Free-Will (Smith), The Enneagram and The Slap

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” -Viktor Frankl

I've been asked a couple of times since the Academy Awards, “what Enneagram type is Will Smith?”.  For those who may not know, the Enneagram is an ancient personality system made up of 9 basic types.

Look, I understand what is being asked in trying to figure out Will's number. We want to be able to explain something so irrational, ugly, and outright wrong, by knowing the Not-So-Fresh-Prince’s number and hoping that we too, don’t have the number of this ass! Please God make him a 1 or a 7, anything but an Enneagram 8 (For the record I'm an 8 and we are not adding him to the long list of 8-holes. We already have Castro and Trump!)

But the truth is, the Enneagram has nothing to do with Will's behavior. It can't explain what someone becomes in this life, what they choose to do, or what response they have to Chris Rock's joke (albeit not funny, frankly quite mean, but merely words not justifying a physical attack).

That, however, is the point. The Enneagram doesn't predict free will, our ability to choose, or how we respond in life. That is beyond a typing system. That is, in the words of my teacher, Dr. Viktor Frankl, "the defiant power of spirit," which can never be reduced to a personality type.

However, what the Enneagram does predict, uncannily accurately I might add, is how we react. Reaction and response are not the same things. When we react we are unconscious, usually in fear, and always victims of our circumstances - powerless to choose our response. What the Enneagram maps is our particular reaction, and with an Enneagram 3, like Will Smith, it very much predicts not the slap, but what came next, as it was a typical reaction of an unhealthy Enneagram 3.

Healthy Enneagram 3s often called "the Achiever" or "the Performer," are among the most industrious, successful, and inspiring of all Enneagram types. Think Oprah if you want to think of a healthy Enneagram 3. However, when they are unhealthy they may not usually slap someone silly for a stupid joke, any idiot Enneagram type could have done that. However, if they aren’t careful they’ll get up on stage afterwards and accept an Academy Award and then proceed to tell us why they really are such a great guy after all:

“This is a beautiful moment,” said Will Smith in accepting his award, “and I’m not crying for winning an award. It’s not about winning an award for me. It’s about being able to shine a light on all of the people...I look like the crazy father just like they said about Richard Williams. But love will make you do crazy things.”

With “genuine” tears eyes, and “true” regret in his heart, Mr. Smith, told us that he is a shining light in this world and hitting Chris Rock was all about love (Ya, I'm sure Chris could feel the love!).

That, however, is what an unconscious Enneagram 3 thing - deceit. It isn’t that they merely deceive others, rather, they first and foremost deceive themselves.Will Smith didn't have to talk himself into believing this was an act of love - sadly for him, he believes it. No healthy person would have done that. However, no healthy Enneagram 3 would have given themselves over to their particular passion of self-deceit. They know that to their type, it is the drug of choice. They can't partake in it, not even one drink. Those who are doing the work and "sober" when it comes to self-deceit know that it is their pathway to hell.

Think Jeffrey Skilling, yes an unhealthy 3 who devastated the lives of others with his Enron deceit.

How about Bernie Madoff, perhaps one of the more infamous, and unhealthiest Enneagram 3s.  Even old Bernie (may his memory be a warning) didn't intend to cause a financial avalanche. He didn't start with world devastating deceit, just little white lies, growing into Academy Award-level speeches of love that cascaded down the slippery slope of Enneagram 3 self-deceit hell.

No, Will is no Jeff or Bernie. What he did, did not devastate lives or even amount to a criminal act (though Chris should have pressed charges). However, make no mistake about it, when Enneagram 3s are unhealthy, when they give Academy Award speeches justifying their bad behavior, they are on the slippery slope to Enneagram 3 hell - lost in believing their own bullshit. Sooner or later, someone is bound to get slapped.

Again, this does not mean that Will Smith or unhealthy Enneagram 3s, or any unhealthy Enneagram number, is doomed to the prison of their number. Rather, it should simply remind us that we must stand guard against reaction, understand where we go in fear, and learn how we forfeit our ability to choose.

As my teacher, Dr. Viktor Frankl, taught, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response."

Whatever your Enneagram type, between a bad joke and your hand slapping someone’s face, there is a space. In that space, you can collect yourself, take a deep breath, get out of fear and choose not to be a number. You do not have to be an Enneagram 3 or 8 or any arrogant Hollywood asshole worth millions. You have a spirit, you are a spirit and from this place of the defiant power of your spirit, you can choose to not react like Will, but rather respond with your free will, defy your number and really be the light that Will Smith simply failed to be.